How to Festival

18 Oct

Greetings, friends! I’m afraid you’ve caught me in my semi-annual if-it’s-not-about-OSF-don’t-talk-to-me post.

Obviously, I’ve just returned from my group trip to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland. As you may know by now, I typically take this trip with a gathering of twenty-something high-schoolers, and it was with that group I saw the plays and attended a few activities – but for the most part, my mother and I stuck with our carpool team, my friend Gracie (the Wasp) and her parents.

The Ashland carpool teams in themselves are always an interesting study.

Every year, when our group congregates outside the Angus Bowmer theater, you can always tell which kids took cars together because a highly-caffeinated four-hour drive has a certain affect on people. They walk in sync, they say things in unison, and they basically walk around going

As Gracie was sentenced to sit next to me for the entirety of the trip, the image above is more or less an accurate photograph of us (she’s classic Dipper) ((Plus, she brought a couple of Cabin Pressure episodes to listen to. 10/10 would sit by again)

This year we enjoyed a spectacular trip, and should you consider making an Ashland trip of your own, I dearly hope it is as good as mine. The OSF experience is different for everyone, but there are some constants in the equation. I’ve recorded such constants in the below five steps that my group took and would now highly recommend.

1. See Ashland

Ashland is a gorgeous place. Simple as that. Gracie and I took many walks downtown, exploring stores we’d not seen before and trying out new restaurants, always making sure to drop in what became one of the taglines of our trip, “Oh my gosh I want to sit down so badly.” Of course there were high-energy times of the trip as well, and you could tell when one was going on, because one of us was belting out “SUITS” at two-second intervals and the other was swirling around street lights, crooning “THE WINGMAN I CAN WEAAR.” Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit is the first track on the official soundtrack of this trip.

2. Participate in the activities Ashland offers

Museums, walking tours, the Green show – Ashland won’t let you get bored. The group with which we bought tickets arranged a field trip to “Exploring Design,” a workshop led by Chris Tufts to explain how the costume designers at OSF use symbolism and character studies to decide on the best possible costumes. During the group activity, my team got so into the spirit of things that we very nearly dressed The Tempest‘s Caliban in Steampunk Darth Maul regalia. In any case, I expect a job offer with the festival within the month.

3. Meet the people

When you separate from your group of peers, you are freed up to meet more of the fascinating Ashland locals. Of course everyone has different ways of getting connected. Some people may strike up a conversation with their neighbors in the audience of the plays they see. Others might greet the people enjoying beautiful Lithia Park. My personal strategies included holding eye contact with the SOU students wearing fandom t-shirts and talking loudly to the Wasp about the Festival in the presence of OSF actors who were trying to get errands done in peace. What’s that? Passive socializing is not for you? Then may I recommend seeing Into the Woods and waving so hard at orchestra musicians onstage that you nearly lift off your seat?

(My row and the trumpet section really bonded. We’re going for coffee next week.)

4. Enjoy the plays

Obviously the plays are a must. The people at OSF know what they’re doing, and each play is a masterpiece. This season I saw The Cocoanuts, The Tempest, Into the Woods, and A Wrinkle in Time, though I would have loved to see more. They were all astounding in their own ways, from the ingenuity of the stage design in the Tempest, to the frankly ridiculous amount of fun the cast of the Cocoanuts was obviously having. There are tips to enjoying it as much as possible. Before A Wrinkle in Time, I read a chapter of the original work out loud to my seat buddy, and I finished the Tempest shortly before making the trip. Pre-show preparation can only do so much when the play is actively going on however, so my most certain suggestion is that you sit next to someone you may punch in the arm mercilessly, should the mood take you.

Sorry, Gracie. But I’m pretty sure we were even on that front, right?

5. Be a good audience

I love a lot of things about live theatre, but one of the main things has to be that it’s one of the few story-telling outlets where overt, unbridled enthusiasm is encouraged. Actors don’t want to play in front of a room of people half-asleep. They want to know you’re there. And considering that my one true gift is enthusiastic response, there’s no question as to why OSF is my happy place. Every audience I was a part of was excellent – it’s hard not to be responsive in Ashland. Like I said, they know what they’re doing.

When we went in to see A Wrinkle in Time, Gracie even started a small-scale round of applause for Calvin’s impressive basketball-twirling, and the actor went on to do that move for far, far longer than he had when I’d seen this play before.

Encouragement! Try it today!

At the Q&A session after the play, the darling who played Mrs. Who bounced in and said that the whole cast had asked her to tell us that we’d been a wonderful audience.

And don’t fret, Gracie and I went ahead and took way more credit than we probably should have.

The morning after I arrived home, I awoke with a cough that announced itself as the incarnation of the last four days having been spent alternately singing at the top of my lungs and scream-shouting “WHY A DUCK,” “YOU’VE GOT DREAMBOAT EYES,” and”AGONYYY” at every shadow of an opportunity.

If anything is a sign that a trip went well, that’s got to be it.

All by following five easy steps!

The Clock is Striking Twelve

26 Aug

I always warn you before spoilers, don’t I?

Well, if you haven’t seen Doctor Who season 8 episode 1, I have only one two things to say to you:

  1.  WHAT WHY NOT
  2.  Well, don’t come back until you do.

Last Saturday night, I sat in a dark room full of Whovians; the kind who get so excited that no one really cares that they’re slowly turning the back room of a Japanese novelty shop into a sauna.

It began with a girl dressed as a steampunk Dalek standing up to announce that the episode was beginning, and once it did, there would be no mercy on commentators. There was a murmur of assent from the viewers. The episode commenced. Not a peep was heard for over an hour, save the odd hushed “Awwww” or “ohmygoshohmygosh.”

It was glorious.

For many of you, I do not have to tell what happened in the episode.

Seeing it through strictly unfeeling eyes, it was the usual:

  • Doctor offends people
  • Clara stamps her foot
  • SUBTEXT SUBTEXT
  • Viewers are scared
  • Characters are scared and then die
  • Doctor voices some variant of “He/She/It was scared”
  • SUUUBTEEEXT
  • Hands are held
  • Hugs are had
  • Chips are consumed

But of course there was the one prominent difference:

The new Doctor.

This dork.

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Look at him

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Really look

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Let me explain: Eleven was my Doctor. Under such circumstances, I thought it was going to take more than a shouty “I’M NOT FLIRTING BY THE WAY” directed at a rampaging dinosaur to win me over.

The Doctor wears his new face well. And hey, as far as the rest of you go, I understand (in theory) if he hasn’t grown on you yet. But just

Look at him.

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No, I suppose that’s not what I mean. Don’t just look. The Doctor said it himself. See.

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That moment killed me. In fact, I am actually writing to you at this moment from the mysterious fountain garden on the other side.

I’ve wanted to hug a lot of fictional characters before, but this moment must have topped the list. So of course they had to stab at that particular ventricle of my heart.

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“I don’t think I’m a hugging person now.”

*Collective scoff from fandom*

But in any case, I didn’t come here to gush over the Twelfth Doctor.

While I did indeed come here to gush over the Twelfth Doctor, there are other Doctorial things to be addressed. Such as?

  • SKIN BALLOON wHAT 
  • How one little blow-torch droid set fire to an entire dinosaur
  • The frankly alarming number of space ships skipping around replacing machinery with human remains (I had no idea this was such an epidemic)
  • The umbrella woman in the weird afterlife fountain garden

Oh come on, what else am I supposed to call her?

Mediocre Fact: I actually had to Google “deep breath umbrella woman” to get anything like what I was looking for. I got a lot of weird artwork and one heroic bit of information that told me that the umbrella woman is actually called Missy.

The “Gatekeeper.”

Cool! If anything, I know less than I knew before.

I feed off of your speculation and inside knowledge; please, let me have it. I would absolutely love to discuss this episode with you. I mean, there it was after all, the excellent first episode of what looks to be a very promising season.

So, what do you think?

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Changing of the Seasons

18 Aug

Everyone loves fall. It’s comfortable, fuzzy, and just the right amount of predictable.

There’s always warm drinks being served, long pants are embraced, and every conversation for the next three months will yield at least one confession of “you know, maybe I’m crazy, but I actually think I like fall most. Is that just me?”

(We’ve all been that person. Next time someone says it to you, resist the urge to slap them with a scented pine cone and instead just give them a quizzical look. )

I mean, just look at this awesome setup we have going for this magnificent new season! I’ve tweaked it with just enough regular things to be slipped into a conversation or a cutesy illustrated list of “fave fall things”

  • Pumpkin pie-flavored everything
  • Changing colors on the trees
  • Doctor Who materializes August 23rd. Agents of SHIELD hits back on September 23rd, and its queen Agent Carter will show her face during a mid-season SHIELD hiatus. Once Upon a Time is back September 28th. Gravity Falls races on from its original Season 2 premiere this September 8th. Arrow is coming October 8th and the CW’s Flash premieres just before then (appropriately enough) on the 7th. Sherlock is a joke.
  • Hot chocolate
  • Extra blankets on the bed

Ahh, yes.

Don’t ever underestimate the glory of new seasons.

And yeah, I’m only half-talking about the seasons of the year.

Summer is unofficially the season of weird TV movies you wish you’d never heard about.

There’s other things to do during the summer, I get it. That’s not the problem. Summer is absolutely the time to get outside, go camping, picnicking, whatever – to enjoy the weather, of course. But summer also allows for that one precious commodity that people with school crave the most.

Time free from responsibilities.

The best.

With such long-sought free time, it’s not unusual to turn to television to unwind.

And in turn, it’s not unusual for summer television to respond,

“Do you want a Hallmark movie about memory loss, or a comedy about unhappy married couples yelling at each other’s in-laws?” *badly-timed laugh track rolls*

Yes my friends, the time has come for us to exit this particularly uncomfortable waiting room.

Feels good, like a cool breeze.

You know, fall is probably my favorite. Is that just me?

Post Traumatic SDCC Disorder

31 Jul

One week ago,  the very foundations of California were shaken by a single, unified fan scream.

If you live anywhere near an internet connection, I bet that you felt it too.

San Diego Comic-Con 2014.

Seeing as there’s no need to drop the ball on nerd-knowledge just because I was not present, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite bits from the convention. Therefore? Coming to you from that room of dreams, Hall H, here is some of the best of SDCC 2014.

  • Chris Hardwick, Crown Prince of the nerds (and the person you wish you were), took the selfie to end all selfies with the one and only DC trinity.

You’re looking at Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman posing for a picture taken by Marty McFly.

What a time to be alive.

  • The Avengers: Age of Ultron panel featured a gloriously skilled and surprisingly long table of Avengers, and the angels cheered (though their voices were obscured by those of the hyperventilating fans in the crowd below).

Notable events included Chris Hemsworth’s announcement of intent to turn into the female Thor in an upcoming adaption (“I don’t want to jinx it, but this might be my oscar”), Robert Downey Jr’s gift of roses to the audience and to the lady cast members, and Josh Brolin (or as we know him, Thanos) making a surprise appearance for the sole purpose of fanfare and eating one of Downey’s proffered roses.

All very normal things.

  • The Agents of SHIELD panel, (a show which outgrew its name in no more than twenty-two episodes)graced us all by releasing a gag reel.
  • And later, still during the AoS panel, a teaser was shown (not available unless you’re a level seven agent) in which it was revealed that a Bobbi Morse was going to be joining the SHIELD roster.

Bobbi Morse? you ask. Wait, Mockingbird? You continue, standing up, your voice getting more frantic and excited. Sweet baby Moses, are you kidding me right now? you scream into the late afternoon sun as you spontaneously sprout wings and take off, startling your friends and family. Hawkeye crossovers aheadddd is the last thing your loved ones hear as you disappear over the horizon.

I know right I’m so excited too

  • Since you couldn’t be there, Mark Ruffalo took the liberty of acting just like you would have in reaction to the range of celebrities present.

Is that Paul Rudd?

Living legend.

And, though it wasn’t officially related to the world’s biggest geek-fest, one has to question its convenient timing -

  • Test footage leaked for that movie you want so badly.

“Test footage” people keep reminding us. “As in – not an actual movie. Not yet. Maybe not ever. This is test footage.”

To which, of course, fans collectively replied, “I can’t hear you,” before turning back to our friends and screaming “DEADPOOL” over and over again. All that leaked footage has largely been reclaimed by Fox on copyright grounds, but considering that few things are ever scrubbed form the internet, there are still a couple of places you can look. (Warnings: Strong language, and, hey, it’s Deadpool: violence)

Such a long panel, but the highlights as far as I am concerned involved Gollum impressions from Andy Serkis, an expression of interest in a LOTR-flavored museum with original props, and an analysis of how surprisingly attractive Elf ears can be (as if that was news to anyone).

As per the event, there were questions for the panelists: “Where would you take Smaug at the Comic-Con?” asked one fan. Benedict Cumberbatch, ever the charmingly insulting gentleman, made a face and replied “Probably Hall H. I don’t think he’d fit in anywhere else.”

I feel like one or two people might want to disagree, but considering that a good chunk of people probably dressed up as the menacing dragon, it seems a fair enough remark.

It takes all kinds at SDCC, so obviously there was much more to the convention; but these have been the parts that got me in the send-all-caps-texts-to-everyone-in-your-contact-list mood.

Pretty apparently, I didn’t make it this year. Maybe you didn’t either, if you felt compelled to come here to learn these things.

We didn’t make it this time. That’s okay. Not even Joss Whedon went this year. It’s okay to skip every now and then.

But let’s not make it a habit.

See you next year, fanpeople.

Trailer Breakdown for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

29 Jul

 

Yesterday, the benevolent spirits known as Warner Brothers sent us a gift we’ve waited nearly three Christmases for: The official trailer for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. That’s right. Doesn’t it feel like just yesterday when you were a little bit disappointed by An Unexpected Journey? And like just last night you were joyfully surprised by The Desolation of Smaug?

Well, morning has come, and the moment has once again presented itself for you to get emotionally invested in Middle Earth.
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Okay, I know this is no way to start a breakdown, but they aren’t even trying to make this not look like a Sherlock episode now. Look at that empty chair across from him. It’s season two all over.hbt_2

“One day,  I’ll remember.hbt_3

“I’ll remember everything that happened.

Foreshadowing shot? Nah.hbt_4

“The good, the bad…hbt_5

What a cute little townhbt_6

sWEET MOther of pearlhbt_7

“Those that survived, and those that did not.”

Move along, no forshadowing here. These are not the plot twists you’re looking for.hbt_8

♪”A mist behind, the world ahead,

YES. This song is my jam. Pippin, I missed you so hard.hbt_9

Merry Christmas, I got you heartbreak and an overhanging melancholy

♪”There are many paths to tread.hbt_11

That, my friend, is the look of someone who was volunteered to help tear down after a get-together. We feel you, Kili.hbt_13

Fun Fact: If you look at this image for sixty seconds without blinking, you’ll start crying for all sorts of different reasons!
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♪”Through shadow to the edge of night,
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Ah, yes. This December, witness: The meaningful stares…hbt_18

… And the Mulan parallels.hbt_19

♪”Until the stars are all alight.hbt_20

And see the defining chapter, featuring: the meaningful stares…hbt_21 hbt_22

♪”Mist and shadow,
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… And the Mulan parallels.

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You know, the saga starring the meaningful stares.hbt_26

Oh. And…hbt_27

… The Frozen parallels?

♪”Cloud and shade…”hbt_28

“You have peace or war!”

That’s almost a great title for a book, thought Bilbo, the budding novelist.hbt_29

♪”All shall fade.”
hbt_30

“I will have war.”

Badly done, Emma. Thorin, my old friend. Think this through. Look, if you would just turn to your left, I bet you’d get some valuable insight.hbt_31

Yes, sound advice indeed.
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I have to apologize for this. See, I briefly considered trying to get a cool action shot of Thranduil, but I think this was the better decision.hbt_33

And good golly, I’m on a roll.hbt_34

♪”All shall…
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Looks like someone let the “Pale Orc” comments get to him. Look at that healthy, sun-kissed glow.
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You know what’s cool about the Hobbit? It is an important source of representation for those of us who want to have adventures, but are certain we’d spend its entirety with that exact face. hbt_37

Mm. You can feel these shots. hbt_38

And now a word from the makers of the Hobbit: PLEASE SEE IT IN 3D, WE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON THIS
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… But all 3D bashing aside, I have to admit that the eye of Sauron in 3D is a pretty good motivator for a 2.5 hour headache.hbt_40

♪”… Fade.”hbt_41

“Will you follow me one last time?”

hbt_42

Whatever Thorin, thought Gandalf. It’s not like it could get any worse. I’m so over you tiny little chumps running around like you own the place. I’m the only one who does any real work here. I should lead my own revolution.

- Actual Quote From the Hobbit by Jerry Tolkien
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I don’t want to go into battle. I want to stay alive and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through Rivendell, firing arrows into the sunset.

(This internal dialogue could belong to either one of these two long-haired archers. Feel free to draw your own conclusions.)

And then there’s our hero:
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But in all seriousness, I’m pretty sure their unanimous decision was “Yes, but I refuse to act like I ever agreed to, you tiny dictator.”hbt_45In other news, you are unspeakably excited about this movie, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Now jump up and down with me.

DIY Denial (You Don’t Need SDCC)

25 Jul

Look at you.

You’re on the internet during the San Diego Comic-Con week.

Hey, me too. I feel you. We’re on the outside, peeking in through the proverbial window. Think of all the people right now, sweating out of their larger-than-life cosplays and screaming to each other about that teaser that they just saw that you will not see for nine more months. Think of them and let that tear slide down your cheek.

Pull yourself together. You know what you need? A diversion.

As a life-long expert on the topic of  hijacking conversations, changing subjects, and general denial, I’ve come today to try to distract you. To help you get your mind off those pesky voices whispering, “people have been able to touch Chris Evans today,” and “Hundreds of people are within earshot of Cecil Baldwin right now” while you’re trying to get work done.

(This is only treating a symptom, of course. You should probably seek professional advice about those voices.)

I recommend some form of working with your hands. An especially easy paper craft would be downloading and printing out some of the adorable free printable mascots over at Digitprop. I’ll walk you through it.


 

Supplies needed:

20140725_150323Step One: Start by cutting around the little man. Only cut on the bold lines, the dotted lines are to be folded.

Step Two: Stick indicated sides together to make the shape of the man. Tape, glue, or really, any mild adhesive will do. I actually used an envelope sealer because I have so undeniably hit rock bottom. But we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here specifically to not talk about that.

Optional Step: If needed, intensify folding by singing death metal to drown out the sound of cheering coming from the general direction of San Diego.20140725_151956Step Three: Admire your new mascot. Well done! You were almost productive today! Try not to notice that your little paper friend looks like an adipose. Try even harder not to notice that he has a bowtie, much like a whole different type of alien whom you’ll never get to see at a Comic-Con again.

Step Four: Give up. Print out the blank printable instead, to create a parchment pal who won’t loaf around on your desk looking like a cheap piece of Comic-Con merch.20140725_152321Step Five: Cut out new blank printable.

20140725_152828Step Six: Decide who you would like to be your new mascot and draw their likeness on your beautiful blank canvas. Be creative! Maybe create a new person altogether, someone with his or her own hopes and dreams. Someone unique, like you.

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Step Seven: Did you just make the Vision?

You’re hopeless.

Step Eight: Weep.20140725_154224

 

Step Nine: Give him a cape.

(And don’t forget to check out the Vision in all his glory on the new Avengers: Age of Ultron poster.)

Trailer Breakdown for Big Hero 6

16 Jul

Prepare yourself for the next production from the absolute darlings who brought you Wreck-It Ralph and Frozen. That’s right, and just in time for you to stop hating  Disney for forcing everyone and their grandmother to sing “Let it Go” every hour of the day!

If you’ve been following any sort of entertainment news, you are likely to be aware that along with Star Wars, your soul, and the better part of the internet, Disney now owns Marvel. Whether this news has you happy or the other thing, your heart is definitely three sizes too small if you didn’t find some joy in the Big Hero 6 full-length trailer that just came out yesterday.

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bh_2

“All right, let me get this straight…

San Fransokyo? Is that near San Franjose? I want a Cloudy with a Chance of Meet-ups.bh_3

“A man in a Kabuki mask attacked you with an army of miniature flying robots.”

*Googles “Kabuki”*

*Feels cultured*
bh_4

“Microbots!

Ohhh, microbots. Thank you, Hiro, see, the other thing was unbelievable.bh_5

“Max, tell him!”

“Yes, Officer.”

Good enough for me.bh_6

Uh-oh. That bad boy is backlit. A sure sign of being irretrievably evil.
bh_7

Look at Hiro’s face. He knows the ins and outs of cinematic lighting.bh_8

“Microbots.”

If you’re still typing that, we got a whole other problem.

“Yeah,bh_9

“He was controlling them telepathically with a neuro-cranial transmitter!”bh_10

Doesn’t matter to this guy.bh_11

Is it wrong that I want an opera number here? Some kind of “Down Once More Into Darkness” episode? I think I’m onto something.bh_12

“Come on!”bh_13

“I am not fast.”

“Yeah, no kidding! Go, go, go, go!”

See also: Me and anyone who tries to get me to go anywhere
bh_15

“So Mr. Kabuki was using ESP to attack you and…bh_16

“Balloon man…”

No comment on that? What sort of trash happens in San Fransokyo that leads you to look bored at the domesticated Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

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Mmm. Oh, and reader, that strange, warm feeling bubbling up inside you? It’s the desire to hug an animator. And it’s totally normal.
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That face. That is the face of a man who has seen some seriously screwed-up stuff.

Tell us your secrets
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“I know it sounds crazy.”bh_22

“Kid, how about we call your parents and get them down here.

Whoa whoa, sore subject man. Haven’t you heard any superhero story ever? Insensitive.bh_23

“Write your name and number down on this piece of paper and we’ll -“bh_24

(My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark plays)

(Consequently, everyone watching gets up and parties)bh_25

“We gotta catch that guy. But first -bh_26bh_27

♪You want me to change, change, change, you want me to change♫bh_28

“You’re gonna need some upgrades.”bh_29

♪Girl you’re amazing just the way you are♫
bh_30bh_31

For a boy genius, he’s a little slow on the whole distribution of mass concept. Why don’t mysterious balloon robots drop into my lap? It’s because both my parents are so alive, isn’t it?

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bh_33

So this is present-day/near future How to Train Your Dragon right? Or, actually, How to Train Your Robot? No judgement meant, I am more than okay with that.
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“Did I not instruct that box 5 was to be left empty?”
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“A lunatic in a mask just tried to kill us.”

In this movie adaption, original comic fans will be surprised to know that Go-Go Tomago’s code name is now “Captain Obvious.” And we don’t really get to see him, but the driver of this bus is so over this movie already.

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“How cool is that! I mean, it’s scary, obviously, but how cool!”

Tuffnut, it’s not like this is new to you. And yes, we know it’s you, take off that beanie and put your Viking helmet back on.bh_41

I love it when Disney does that.bh_42

Aw man. Usually when I see a character so obviously prepped for merchandising I get a little cringey inside, but Baymax.. Look at him. Just look.

I want seven of him.bh_43

“What’s wrong with you?”

“LooOOw battery,”
bh_44

“You home, sweetie?”bh_45

“Weee jumped out a wiindow!”bh_46

“Who is that?”

bh_47

“We jumped out a windooow.”

Nice save.bh_48

Yasssbh_50

“Shhh”bh_51bh_52

Hey, hey. You nailed it, baby.bh_53

Fall! Get it? Fall! *laughs into the sunset*bh_49“Fuuurry baby!”

*eyes widen*

The word cat is obsolete and I could not be happier.

Fall movies! Bring it on. I’m jumping up and down about this movie, but I can’t shake the feeling that Big Hero 6 is leaving a gold mine buried up by not exploring the (clearly) tragic backstory of iron policeman there at the beginning. (I’m calling it now: Big Hero 7. Look for it 2017.)

[Proper] Trailer Breakdown for Doctor Who Season 8

15 Jul

 Off the heels of the last two skimpy DW teasers, the good people of the BBC have gifted us with an official full-length trailer for Doctor Who’s eighth season, and it features not only the explosions that you loved so much from the earlier teasers, but actual shots. From the show. In good lighting. 

I think I should not be this excited but I’ve still been waiting for this moment for months. So let’s begin, shall we?

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I love that opening. It’s deliciously vague. What’s this going to be a trailer for? Sherlock? Copper? A history program and/or short summary of the Revolutionary War? Who knows dw8_4

You would think that somewhere along the last three regenerations, the Doctor might have thought, “Hey – I’m literally seconds from blowing up into a freaking volcano of regeneration energy. Maybe I should keep the TARDIS in park. Just until I’m not disoriented and/or screaming in agony.”

Boy needs a designated driver.
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No, not you. (Who calls a time machine a cow?)dw8_7

“Life returns.”

Coming from a species who routinely dies out every ten minutes, I’m inclined to believe it.dw8_8

“I don’t think I know who the Doctor is anymore.”

Coming from the girl who has seen (and saved) every version of the Doctor? Coming from the girl who had a personal adventure with three different versions of this guy simultaneously? Don’t get me wrong, heavy grief over the loss of Eleven forced me to eat the better part of a jar of nutella, but if anyone can be graceful in the face of regeneration, it should be Clara.
dw8_10

“Life prevails.”

Then again, as I am experiencing physical pain watching Twelve not double over and put his full weight on the rails like Eleven used to, maybe I shouldn’t judge Clara for this one.
dw8_11

“I’m the Doctor.

(He repeated, as his self-confidence tapes told him to.)

dw8_12

And to think, just eight years ago, we gave Christopher Eccleston half a store mannequin arm, told him to strangle himself with it, and called it good.

What a time to be alive.dw8_13

“I’ve lived for over 2000 years.

(You know, since back when that mannequin arm move was movie magic)dw8_14

dw8_15

 “Yours is bigger than mine.”

“… Let’s not go there.”

dw8_16

Classic companion shot. But ah, lest we forget, we’re taking on another young grasshopper this season!

So what do we know about Danny so far?dw8_17

… If my calculations are correct, that he’ll fit in just fine.

“I’ve made many mistakes.
dw8_20

“It’s about time that I did something about that.”

I like your snappy little suit. But, hey, you’re talking about the bowtie, aren’t you? I resent that, sir.

dw8_21

“Where are we going?”dw8_22

“Into darkness.”

What was that Doctor? Did you say the TELEVISION CROSSOVER MANKIND HAS ONLY DREAMT OF

I did a thing and I'm very proud

COS THAT’S WHAT I HEARDdw8_23

“Here we go again.”

Welcome back Madame Vastra and Strax! Never once, watching your first episodes so many years ago, did I think you would make trying to convince people to watch this show so much more complicated and weird. Thank you?dw8_24

#ButFirstLetMeTakeASelfie

(Don’t worry, I kind of hate myself for making that reference)

All right, let’s get real for a moment. Life’s treating you hard, isn’t it? Sometimes you wonder if it’s all worth it? You’re looking for some ray of hope, some glimmer of joy in this dark world.
dw8_25

Well, BBC is here to say: you’re welcome.

Go on, squeal. You know you want to. And frankly, I feel kind of lonely sitting here squealing by myself.
dw8_26

And don’t worry, to keep those joyful expectations  in check, the BBC has thrown a little bitterness and destruction in there. Just for you.
dw8_27

And… robot crusaders? I’m down.dw8_28

“The British are coming!”

I’m not joking give me a Revolutionary War episode it would be so cool
dw8_29

I know it’s probably too much to hope for, judging by Clara’s very much not ancient Roman attire, but all I want is for her to be talking to a member of the Sibylline Sisterhood from “Fires of Pompeii” here. Obvious bonus points if it’s Karen Gillan.

dw8_31

And, if you look closely, you can see the Doctor Who producers collectively denying the rainbow-skittle-makeover the Daleks got early in season five. I don’t think anyone minds.
dw8_32

And of course, Sexy hasn’t changed. Still begrudgingly going along with the whims of a man who consistently brings home strays and drives her mid-regeneration. That’s love for you.
dw8_33

“Clara tell me: am I a good man?”

Tune in for Doctor Who this August to see the Doctor  played by a moody teenager having an existential crisis!

dw8_34

“I… don’t know.”

And don’t miss Clara, played by his mom, who wonders where this new attitude is coming from.

dw8_35

And by the by, I would never diss Nine’s mannequin arm scene. That was classic.

Trailer Breakdown for Doctor Who Season 8

9 Jul

 If you’re on this blog of your own free will, chances are that you’re familiar with BBC’s two recent, feeble attempts at  teasers. Each lasted an exhaustive fifteen seconds, didn’t have a single well-lit shot between them, and they still managed to make me and DW fans everywhere weep with joy and mourning. It’s a true art.

So today I have a treat for you.

Ever since Doctor Who Confidential was canceled, we’ve been deprived of some of that behind-the-scenes action that was so fun to watch after each episode aired. That’s why I am pleased to present to you today, the genuine minutes of the boardroom meetings where these teasers were discussed and digitally edited. It wasn’t easy to get these notes, and bits of them are burnt, so I might be leaving some parts out. Just bear with me.

MB: “We want this look at the Doctor to be memorable. Important. So blow some of that garbage up in the back.”

KW: “Garbage?”

MB: “The TARDIS.” 

dw_3

MB: “Brilliant. Again.” dw_4

RW: “Ken and I had a couple ideas too,”

MB: “Sh. One more time.”

RW: “Okay.”dw_5

MB: “It’s beautiful.”

RW: “Can we put in some talking?”

MB: “Whatever.”

“Clara, be my pal, tell me: am I a good man?” dw_6

“I don’t think I know who the Doctor is anymore.”

KW: “You know, this is not how reflections work. Or eyes.”

RW: “No one asked you.”

MB: “I’m so bored right now. Cut to black.”

dw_7

MB: “Okay kids, now I want the Doctor Who Teaser Mark II to have everything that made the last one great.”

RW: “That’s reasonable. What was that?”

MB: *Turns out lights and sets table on fire*

KW: “Right.” dw2_1

MB: “Okay, everyone, strong beginning. Let’s go stronger.”

dw2_2

MB: “SECONDARY EXPLOSION YES”

RW: “Sir,”

MB: “MORE”dw2_3

MB: “AGAIN BUT WITH LESS LIGHT”

dw2_4

RW: “Sir, we’re all a bit worried about the mental state of the viewers. Any way that we could give them a break?”

MB: “Fine. Give them a shot of that old dude and some of that ‘dialogue’ trash you won’t shut up about.”

KW: “Thank you.” dw2_5

“I see into your soul, Doctor. I see beauty, divinity, hatred!”

KW: “Is it just me or was that line more Captain Jack-esque than Dalek?”

MB: “Okay, you two have had your say.”

RW: “You don’t mean” dw2_6

MB: “HAHA YES BOOOM”

KW: “What! Where are his other organs? This is not how x-rays work!”

MB: “Shut up and give me a close-up of those hearts.” dw2_7

MB: “NOW MAKE THEM EXPLODE”

RW: “SIR NO”dw_7

The last few pages of the transcript are in ashes. I heard Michael Bay was fired from the creative committee some time afterwards.

(Don’t worry about it. It probably gave him more time to work on Titanic.)

Barely-Even-A-Trailer Breakdown for Mockingjay Part I

2 Jul

On the one hand, I could spend time lamenting how much I’ve neglected my blog and how many trailers and notable events in the geek community that I’ve missed. Or, on the other hand, I could simply start making up for lost time.

Well, I’ve always been a sucker for a late grade.

Last week, the Hunger Games movie franchise advertised its intentions to break our hearts and make us pay money for it by releasing the first teaser for Mockingjay Part 1. Part 1, you ask? They’re making us pay twice as much money and a full year in between to break our hearts?

Yes, I answer. Pay attention.

mckj_1

Coming at you live from the studios that have been solely responsible for the trauma and murder of seventy-five generations!

*applause from audience being threatened with machine guns*mckj_2

“Since the dark days, our great nation has known only peace.”

*person in audience coughs and is immediately shot in the head*
mckj_3

“Ours is an elegant system: conceived to nourish and protect.”

Why don’t I feel like this is a movie trailer? I know it’s just a teaser, but it sure feels like a commercial for something else.

And why do I suddenly want to buy an iPhone 5s?mckj_4

Of course. It looks so much better now.mckj_5

Oh wow. This feels more like an apple commercial than apple commercials do. Good to know not everything changes when your country converts to a child-killing government to keep the peace.mckj_6

“The districts are the body. The Capitol is the beating heart.”

Fun fact: No one came to Snow’s poetry readings as a young twenty-something, and that’s why he’s so bitter.mckj_7

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.mckj_8

“Your hard work feeds us, and in return, we feed and protect you.”

I can think of a couple of districts that aren’t feeling that feed part as well as you think they might.

mckj_9

It takes a big man to sacrifice the lives of others’ children. Panem is so lucky.
mckj_10

Peeta what have they done to you

You look so clean

“But if you resist the system, you starve yourself. If you fight against it, it is you who will bleed. I know you will stand with me, with us, with all of us, together, as one. And then, you too can wear a snappy white jacket.

mckj_11

“Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever.”

Ain't it Fun -- Paramore

Fun fact: I hide behind pop culture references to hide my deep pain.

mckj_12Mockingjay, Part 1.

And additionally, much like an iPhone, the next one will come out a year after this one, and it will crush the dreams of millions!

(It’s possible that I have a knowledge gap where apple products are concerned. Yes? No?)

See you in November, tributes.

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